This is Lizzie coming to you live from the men’s dressing room in the fine arts building.
Yes. You read that right. The men’s dressing room.
For the past two weeks I have been working on wardrobe crew for Twelfth Night as a requirement for one of my theater classes. I’m in charge of four actors, all of them of the male persuasion. I have to check their costumes out at the beginning of the show, watch them during the show to make sure they are all wearing their costumes correctly, and check their costumes in at the end of the show. In the interim, I sit in the men’s dressing room and do homework.
Like a lot of things in the theater world, this makes me uncomfortable.
I’ve also experienced a lot of discomfort in the classroom. As you can imagine, theater is not a major that Christians flock to. As a result, class discussions that turn religious or political often make me feel like the odd-man-out. And I am. It’s not a bad thing, it just comes with being a Christian and a defector. Sometimes you are left out, and that’s okay, because sometimes, honestly, I would rather not participate. Though no one speaks out directly about Christianity, or religion in general for that matter, I can definitely sense that there is a stigma to the term. Phrases like, “Some people believe…” or, “We are all motivated ultimately by our fear of death” are dropped on the daily. Of course, it’s all under the guise of political correctness, but sometimes I find myself wondering if it is possible for me to succeed in this field simply because my identity in Christ is important to me.
Lately I’ve been having thoughts of leaving theater. It’s not that I can’t handle the work load of being a double major, I’m just not sure if this is where God wants me to be. I have disliked my theater classes this semester, but working crew for this show has brought back some of that “feeling” that I got from doing theater in high school. I can’t rally explain it. It’s kind of a euphoria that comes over you when you are in the midst of a show. It’s adrenaline, but in a muted sense. It’s a good feeling and I enjoy it, but it is ephemeral, just like live theater is. There is an internal conflict between that feeling and finding God’s calling for my life. I’m not sure if he wants me to be here to be a light to those around me, or find a new environment that is better for harboring my faith.
I’m not sure where that leaves me now. But I am content to know that God is working and moving here, and he has my college career already planned out for me. I just have to wait and see where he takes me.